sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
