I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize