i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
