highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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