i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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