I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
