I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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