they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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