Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
