My room smells like vodka and shame
I want to make a zoo with you.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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