Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
