this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
