I just saw a hot homeless man
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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