I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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