So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
