i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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