you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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