I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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