If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
