her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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