I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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