So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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