dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
