So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
