So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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