Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
