I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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