You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you inspire me to be a worse person
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize