I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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