i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
