my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
