I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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