When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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