i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize