wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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