i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
