If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize