Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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