I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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