bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
