Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
