Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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