just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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