So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
