i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
