my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Even my vagina gasped.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
