This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
