After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
