i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
