i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
