A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
