Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
