Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
