I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
