Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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