ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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