That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
