we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
