1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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