Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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