Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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