my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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