dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
