thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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