Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
