Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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