take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
