my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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